The Pope and Tiger woods died on the same day and because of an administrative mix up the Pope went to hell and Tiger Woods went to heaven. The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in hell, and after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error. 'However', the clerk explains, 'it would be 24 hours before it can be rectified'.
Next day the Pope is called and Hell's staff bid him farewell.
On the way up, the Pope meets Tiger Woods coming down from heaven and they stop to have a chat.
'Sorry about the mix up', apologises the Pope 'No problem' replied Tiger Woods,
Pope: 'I am really anxious to get to heaven' Tiger: 'Why is that?' Pope: 'All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary'
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one. Traffic Cop: Don't have one?
Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving. Traffic Cop: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that. Traffic Cop: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car. Traffic Cop: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Traffic Cop: You what!?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The traffic cop is quite stunned.
Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license quizzically.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!
Older Woman: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.
This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me... Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Annie, I'll be waiting.....
Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society.